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I am not a creative person

As Johan Brook awoke one morn­ing from un­easy dreams he found him­self not be­ing a cre­ative per­son at all.

I’ve had this feel­ing, al­most iden­tity, that I’m a cre­ative per­son, ever since my teenage years. I’ve been en­joy­ing cre­at­ing birth­day cards, posters, mag­a­zines, web­sites, blog themes, code pro­jects, blog posts, photo ma­nip­u­la­tions and po­ems dur­ing a long time now. But am I truly cre­ative?

I’m sur­rounded by cre­ativ­ity and peo­ple prac­tic­ing it. This no­tion on the web, where cre­at­ing things and be­ing pro­duc­tive is the ul­ti­mate so­phis­ti­ca­tion. It’s al­most dizzy­ing to see the ex­treme amount of stuff be­ing cre­ated by in­di­vid­u­als and groups of peo­ple every sin­gle day. Some of those things are chang­ing the world, other things are just fun and silly and will be for­got­ten to­mor­row.

Am I en­vi­ous? Perhaps. Even though I want to min­imise the amount of time I spend at the com­puter out­side of my job, I’m so amazed by the source of ideas some peo­ple have. An idea is frag­ile: it de­mands nur­tur­ing and a brav­ery to shoot it down, if nec­es­sary.

I’ve been trav­el­ling (“nomading”) for about two years now. I’ve got tons of ex­pe­ri­ences I’d love to ex­press, and po­ten­tial ideas to build. But still I feel no calm in my soul for do­ing that.

To be in­vent­ing some­thing com­pletely new. The cre­ative spark. To cre­ate and watch some­thing grow. Just from an idea. Those are things I miss. If I’ve ever had them. Aren’t we just copy­ing each other any­way?